–Felt Abandoned By God–

(from a Turkish prison)

But what really broke me was unmet expectations. I expected that God would intervene to carry me above my circumstances into joy, that even in grief I would feel strength and an infusion of grace, and most importantly, that I would have a sense of his presence. Instead, I felt abandoned by God. The truth is, God’s faithfulness and loyalty and love are never put to the test in our difficulties; it was my faithfulness, my loyalty, my love for him that was being tested.”

Andrew Brunson

God’s Hostage, p. 213/ Nook; Baker Books 2019

This book was so HEAVY WITH HOPELESSNESS, that I could only read a couple pages at a time. Andrew’s feelings, though in far more difficult circumstances, felt too familiar; like those times I expected God to intervene and . . . He didn’t. At least not that I could see, then. And certainly not in the time I expected.

But I’d prayed for this stranger.

From a facebook post, I discovered he was from an area of North Carolina where I held cherished memories. I, with so many others, celebrated our prayer answers when this innocent man was released. I knew the book had a favorable outcome.

I think I kept reading because Andrew was so honest—–no superficial spirituality.

It feels so ugly when I go through struggles like a baby or drama queen (which I was in the middle of doing) and thinking that everyone else goes through with hope, patience and faithfulness.

Thank you, Andrew Brunson, for your honesty. I feel like you have walked through some struggles with me and helped me to recognize God.



P.S. Friends, do not shy away from hard books. You will find treasures therein.

3 thoughts on “–Felt Abandoned By God–

  1. Wow. Just wow. you could not have possibly, even with me never having read this book (yet), possibly chosen a better quote…
    This journey we (all of us really) are on, is so… (I was going to say “hard”.. you know, “life is so hard”.. but it is amazing and glorious and shiny too…) much. And yet, I too have spent so much of this last decade of my life slowly, then faster, then WOOSH! (all in, completely focused, eyes on God alone) coming closer to God, wanting the intimacy with Him and more of His wisdom. This quote makes me want to sit and pray and study so I can remember this always- lol, kinda imprint it on my own consciousness so that I remember in those times when we forget – He’s got this. He has us. He has me.
    Lonnie, your writing really touches me- speaks to me. All I can say is thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

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